A Bard's Tale
by KalenCaelli
Summary: Demons from Leliana's past finally come home to roost.


**Title: A Bard's Tale**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Canon: Fem Cousland/Leliana. As it should be :P**

**Disclaimers: I do not own Dragon Age. Well I do, but not the story. That belongs to Bioware. I tried not to butcher it too badly, though some artistic license was taken. Maybe later I'll go and add additional dialogue options, but for now it stands. There are some references to love between two women. If that puts your pants in a wad, don't read it. This also contains some illusions to certain unpleasantries from Leliana's past.**

**Spoiler Alert: Play the game first, dummy.**

I watched Leliana stare into the fire in front of her tent. Her normally bright gaze seemed dull, lifeless. It hurt my heart to see her like this; in so much pain that I scarcely knew what to do with her. She has been like this ever since our encounter with Marjolaine.

If I had known the pain it would have caused Leliana, I would have sooner cut Marjolaine's throat than let her spew her venomous tripe towards my fair-haired companion.

Maker, my heart hurt just watching her. I glanced around dimly at our surroundings. It was late, and I realized that the rest of our companions had long since retired to their tents. I could hear the sounds of Alistair's not-so-gentle snore emanating from his tent  
pitched several yards away from the main fire. I let out a sigh. I had expressed my concerns about Leliana's emotional status privately in a conversation to Wynne earlier in the morning, only to receive a fierce scolding about allowing Leliana the space to mourn. Mourn what, I was not sure. Leliana had only ever hinted at the darkness that had consumed her past.

I let out a deep breath, preparing to join my companions in their state of slumber when a surprisingly firm grip closed around my wrist, preventing my departure.

"Please," Leliana's voice was soft, almost inaudible, but it carried with it an air of desperation. I nodded, mutely, unable to really formulate a response. Leliana had shut us all out since the incident with Marjolaine. I had tried to give my companion and friend the space she needed to work her troubles out in her own time. But I had grown frustrated when my efforts had seemed to no avail. It was even harder because I had long ago realized just how hopelessly in love I was with this woman.

"I ... am sorry I have not been very sociable lately," Leliana's voice was quiet. I opened my mouth to ask her about what was going on, but no words came out. Instead, my gaze met her own eyes, which were brimming with unshed tears. I scooted closer to her side, opening my arms towards her. I breathed a sigh of relief when she enveloped me in a fierce embrace, her tears falling silently against my chest.

We remained like that for a long time, me holding Leliana, feeling utterly powerless to help her, Leliana staring silently into the fire, tears streaming down her cheeks. I know not how long we stayed there before she finally spoke the answers to the questions that were burning in my mind. I only know that when she spoke it was with a weary voice, one so uncharacteristic of the dear bard I had come to know so well.

"When the Chevaliers first came for me, I was extremely afraid, not for myself, but for Marjolaine. By the time I had realized it wasn't Marjolaine they had come for, but for me, it was too late to try to escape."

I swallowed remembering Leliana's earlier words to me. _They did terrible things._ My throat felt dry – I remembered that poor woman from the Denerim marketplace. She too, had not known the dark fate that awaited her.

Leliana continued, "I was thrown into the most terrible dungeon you could possibly imagine. It was cold, and it was dark, and it was wet, and it stank in the worst possible way. They did not say a word to me, my captors, not except to silence my protests of innocence with a rough slap or a cruel blow. They left me there, no food, no water; just ... they left me to die."

I clenched my teeth together angrily, feeling the rage threatening to boil over. I wanted to kill these guards, these torturers of innocent women and children. I closed my eyes, for though she could not see me, I knew that she did not need my anger now, she needed my support.

"I lost track of time. I managed to siphon a bit of water from some of the leaks into a discarded bowl that I found. Every night I would listen to the screams of the other prisoners. Men. Women. Children. It was awful, being trapped in there. No hope to hang onto. And knowing that Marjolaine had put me there..." Leliana's voice cracked, trailing off.

I closed my eyes, wishing to the Maker that I could take all Leliana's pain away. It hurt, so deeply, seeing her despondent. I could feel the dread building up inside at the direction of this tale.

"It was five nights before they came for me. By then I was so weak from hunger I couldn't fend them off." Leliana paused, hesitating for a moment. "I think there were five of them. I... Most of the memories I have from that evening are unclear."

My grip on Leliana tightened.

"I... They did... Unspeakable things. Horrible, terrible things. They hurt me in ways I cannot even begin to describe, and they... When they left, I ... Very much wanted to die. I prayed that the Maker would quickly take me. I ... I knew that they would return," Leliana's words ran together, her voice cracking as a sob escaped; then another. I hugged her tightly against me, pressing my lips against the top of her head, my own tears falling silently against her silky red locks.

"Leliana," I said softly, "I am so sorry that happened to you. So sorry."

Leliana sniffled loudly, nodding in silent assent against my chest. "It wasn't just the guards or what they did to me. It was the fact that Marjolaine had done that to me. She had put me there. I had loved her, and for her to betray me like that was more than I can bear."

I closed my eyes, wishing I had drawn out the pain and suffering that evil woman had deserved. A quick death had been too good for her.

"Even after I escaped and made my way to the Chantry, I ... It took a long time for me to come to terms with it. I ... feel foolish, I guess. I thought I had put this behind me. It is unsettling to learn that I have not."

"No." I said, startling Leliana with the force of my protest. Her eyes searched mine, uncertainty evident in her gaze. I slowly reached up, tentatively caressing the back of her cheek with my hand. "Leliana," I said softly, "you went through a terrible, terrible ordeal. It is only natural that such an event would leave deep scars in your heart. Do not be too hard on yourself. It is to be expected. What is important is that you survived." _And that I would sooner fall on my own sword than allow harm to come to you. _The words crossed my mind, but I could not bring myself to make such a tender declaration aloud. I instead gave Leliana a squeeze, trying to project all my love and devotion into that gaze.

I allowed myself to study, truly study, the woman I had fallen in love with. Leliana bore uncharacteristically dark circles under her eyes. Her clothes seemed to hang a little looser across her body. And her hair, normally so full of light that it shone was dull and hung heavily across her shoulders.

It was clear that Leliana had not taken care of herself in a long time, perhaps since this whole ordeal began a few weeks ago. I made a vow that I would personally make sure all of Leliana's needs were taken care of until she was better.

"It is a little unsettling, I guess." Leliana spoke softly, with an air of self-loathing. "My position often required me to seduce men, and women, to learn their secrets. I had never given much thought to the aftermath of my actions. I wonder how many people felt as I did afterwards."

"No!" The forcefulness of my voice surprised me. Leliana glanced at me sharply, her eyes filled with confusion. She began to pull away, but my hand closed upon her wrist, stilling her actions.

"Did you ever rape someone?" I stared earnestly into her eyes, my soul reaching out to hers, silently urging her to see the truth.

Leliana recoiled, her expression horrified. "Certainly not. I would have never taken someone against their will. Do you honestly believe I would have..."

"Would you have ever betrayed one of your lovers the way that Marjolaine betrayed you?" I stared intently into her eyes.

"No, but I..."

I reached out, gently placing a finger across her lips. "We all have things in our pasts that shame us. But you are nothing like Marjolaine. What she did was unforgiveable. She betrayed you to protect her own selfish interests. She used your innocence against you. Leliana, from what you have told me in the past, everyone knew that the Orlesian guards handled their prisoners in such a terrible manner. Marjolaine surely knew that. And yet she threw you to them to save her own skin."

"But I..." Leliana's eyes were filling once more with tears.

"Leliana, I know you," I spoke softly reaching out with a gloved finger and catching a lone tear as it trickled down Leliana's cheek. "I have only traveled with you a short time, but I feel as if we have gained an intimate understanding of each other, no?"

Leliana swallowed, and then nodded, her eyes bright with tears. I leaned in, resting my forehead against hers. Oh, her lips were so inviting, but this was neither the time nor the place to share our first kiss. I instead focused on projecting all the love I could muster into that one gaze.

"Leliana," I said quietly. "I have only known you a short time, but I would trust you with my life. And not just my life, but the lives of everyone here. I know you, Leliana, and you are a good person. A good, good person. And you did not deserve to be abused in such a manner as that."

A sob, almost inhuman by its nature, tore out of Leliana's throat as she buried her face into my shoulder, weeping. I held her tightly, brushing my lips across the top of her head as she released the years of pent-up emotion and frustration that had long been suppressed.

After a long while her sobs faded into ragged sniffles that eventually turned into shuddering sighs. We remained like that, silent, for a small eternity. I was truly at a loss for words. What do you say to comfort the woman who has stolen your heart? Fortunately, Leliana spoke first.

"Thank you," she said hoarsely, glancing weakly at me with red-rimmed eyes. "I...have never spoken of it before, not even to my sisters in the Chantry."

"That is a long time to let something like that build," I responded instinctively hugging her small frame closer.

Leliana merely nodded, letting out a deep sigh. "I feel as weak as a newborn kitten," she admitted. "These thoughts have been all-consuming."

I nodded my assent, then without further preamble braced myself for the sudden weight shift and pushed to my feet, Leliana in tow.

Leliana's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "What ...what are you doing?" Her fingertips curled around my biceps, hanging on for dear life as I carried her towards her tent. Maker, she weighed practically nothing.

"Assisting you to your tent, M'Lady." I stated matter-of-factly, and then with a softer tine, I added, "your virtue is safe with me, Leliana. Allow me to at least help you to your tent."

Leliana gave me a wry smile. "Well, since it seems I have little choice in the matter..."

We arrived at her tent shortly, and with the utmost of care I cautiously lowered her to the ground, steadying her until I was sure she wouldn't fall. I opened my mouth to bid her good night, but she spoke before I could squeeze a word out.

"Would you..." Leliana's voice trailed off, her cheeks reddening in a blush. "I mean," Leliana closed her eyes, pausing, as if to gather her courage. "Would you please stay?" She must have seen my wide-eyed expression, because she quickly clarified. "Not ... for that," she hastily amended, "at least, not yet. I ... I have been experiencing some difficulties sleeping. I would appreciate the company, at least until I fall asleep."

"If it would help you, I will do it," I said quietly, gesturing to the entrance flap of the tent. Leliana gave me a curious expression, somewhere halfway between amusement and curiosity, as she led her way into the tent. I glanced around the unfamiliar surroundings, which were fairly sparse in accommodation, though we had a few spread all around from our travels. Lying along the far wall was a thickly appointed set of sleeping furs. I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the stirrings that the sight of those furs caused.

Leliana moved silently, wordlessly to light several candles around her tent, the flint and strikers making a well-practiced sound. I stood there awkwardly as she lit the ten or so candles that decorated the tent.

"I like a lot of light," Leliana remarked quietly. "It brings me comfort, especially lately."

"The demons of the Fade prefer the night," I whispered absently, remembering words spoken by my mother to me long ago. "But if you leave a candle alight, the demon flee from all that is right."

Leliana looked shocked. "The reverend mother at the Chantry used to say that sometimes. Where did you hear such a thing?"

"My mother, when I was younger, used to tell me that whenever I was afraid to sleep," I said, feeling a pang in my chest at the thought of those memories.

"I am sorry I brought it up," Leliana said softly, gently resting a hand on my arm. "I wish I could have met them. They sounded like extraordinary people."

"They were," I replied. "And I wished you could have met them too. I know they would have loved you as much as..." I blushed hotly. "Er, well you would have gotten along fabulously with my mother. She was always chiding me for not behaving the role of a proper lady."

Leliana giggled, shaking her head ruefully. "If only she could see how you spend most of your time now, spattered with the blood and gore of the darkspawn all over. I swear, sometimes I wonder if you don't secretly enjoy all that muck and grime."

I blushed hotly. "And how you manage to come away from battle with nary a scratch or a hair out of place, I scarcely know."

Leliana smiled, leaning in closely her light eyes twinkling with mirth. "A closely guarded secret, my dear, one of many I may yet someday share with you."

I swallowed, for my throat had suddenly become very dry. Leliana was so close, her lips mere inches from mine. She still appeared very tired, but there was a bit of life there I had not seen in a long time. My body was screaming for me to kiss her, yet my mind refused to listen to its commands. After a long moment Leliana's eyes seemed to settle heavily along the ground.

"Thank you," she said softly. "For a moment I had forgotten the troubles that plagued me so."

I drew the shorter woman into a fierce hug, though my mind screamed at me and called me a coward. I pressed my lips against the top of Leliana's head, inhaling the fresh scent.

"I will always be here for you, Leliana," I whispered feeling her hold on me tighten. After a long moment in silence, Leliana slowly stepped back, her eyes filled with a new expression. One that I had not seen for a long time.

Hope.


End file.
